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Worn Out


Someone tells you to behave yourself and you listen. The same person tells you to sit up straight and you oblige. He chides you for something that you did wrong and you correct yourself. Every wrong move that you make you rectify because he says so, you believe that you were wrong anyway. You obey his every suggestion – you are practically under his thumb.

In the earlier days of your courtship, you enjoyed heated debates with each other. No one kept score. Sometimes both agreed to disagree. After a while, you did not see the point of every decision becoming a discussion. The playful sparring (read debates) were unimportant and you found the idea of arguing over a change in the main course ridiculous. You let him take over and ordered what you liked as he looked on lovingly. You basked in his love because he cared for you and he always had your back.

The wedding day saw both of you looking your best. You professed your love for each other in the sight of God and man and vowed to be together. Both took the vows seriously. Everything was the same as it was before, except you hardly spoke up. He always did, you did not need to voice your opinion because he always had your back. The kids came in quick succession and as they grew up, debates at the dinner table were the norm. He encouraged them to speak their mind. He related stories of the days when both of you sparred, the kids never believed this because you never fought or argued.

Years later, as the kids went on about their lives you continued to be the docile person he carved. One fine day, the bubble burst, he came home with bad news. He shook you and asked you to speak your mind. You looked in amazement at him wondering about what. He had always said that he would take care of everything and look after you, what was the reason to have a discussion or speak up, you wondered. You were scared, what did he mean that he wanted you to change. You were together for over 40 years and now you had to change. He told you the reason he had a dreadful medical condition. He wanted you to come out of your shell. Could you please do something, say something he asked.

To rouse you out of your stupor as he called it, he challenged you to a series of debates. He playfully ruffled your feathers and egged you on to be yourself. You tried to comply with what he said, but you did not know what he wanted you to do. It finally dawned on him that he had robbed you of being who you were. You apologized softly that you did not know what he was apologizing for, but cried along with him. You held him close. He was the man you fell in love with he never changed. You were not the girl he fell in love with but you changed to make him happy. After you passed on, he wondered, who did win the debate on life.


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