There are many trends that we follow and then there are topics that keep trending. We can join the parade and comment… or not While we are on the topic, I cannot help but comment on the program that was aired on telly by actor Aamir Khan. The man who uses his celebrity status to discuss topics that many of us shy away from because we fear what society dictates. I happened to catch two episodes – one on dowry aired on Sunday and the first one on female feticide. It is disheartening to note that these practices are being followed because of societal pressure.
On the issue of dowry I am sure we can all say that we have seen this happening, been victims of it and some party to it, even. How many girls have fallen prey to this social stigma and keep silent as they cannot go back to their parents’ home because of ‘what society will say’!?
An acquaintance had told me some time ago about her situation. She was married to a person from a good family where the entire wedding expenses were borne by her parents. No doubt money was exchanged prior to the nuptials and the honeymoon as well as many other ‘gifts’ were paid off by her father. Life was good for a couple of months and she was happy, until one fine day when the demands started. To cut a long story short, she managed to get away from the situation, returned home but was shooed back by her family! The constant of “what will people say” kept playing all the time. She couldn’t do anything and had to go back. The last I heard from her was that she seemed to have worked things out…
This is one case among many (I suppose) that work. But the flip side, are many ladies who don’t get their happy every after because of interfering in-laws, abusive husbands, greed, and plain nastiness. What I just cannot fathom is how mothers or sisters-in-law don’t realize the harm they dish out to the young bride. Don’t they realize that they need to stand together otherwise history will keep repeating itself all the time. It just baffles doesn’t it? Most often it is the women who are to blame….
Here is a little snippet of what happened to a friend.
“Madam, I need to borrow Rs. Two Lakhs for my niece’s wedding.”
“What? Why do you have to pay for it?”
“There are so many demands that have to be met. And my brother-in-law asked me to
help ….”
“And how will you return such a large amount, should I agree to loan it to you?”
“Deduct it every month from my salary!”
“I can’t give you such a lot, but I can manage about 5000 that’s it. Take it or leave it!”
The marriage was called off and the employee held it against the employer.
“If you had given me the money, my niece would be happily married by now.”
“Is this my problem to pay dowry for your niece? Why are you selling her anyway? She is not a piece of furniture!”
“You don’t understand, if we don’t give money she will not get married!”
‘Find a suitable family that doesn’t have any demands. Let them appreciate her for who she is and not how much money she brings!”
“But madam, you don’t understand, you have a son. If you have a daughter you will understand.”
“Even if I had a daughter, I would never sell her off….”
“Yes madam, you say that, but you will never know….”
“Let me search for a suitable husband for your niece.”
“No madam, how can you do that?”
“Give me all the details and I will look around.”
Proposals come her way in droves… all of them asking for gifts – refrigerators, cars, sofa sets, LCD’s, some even a new house, in addition to money in bulk to “fund the wedding expenses”. All that the groom had to do was get dressed with clothes paid for by the bride’s family.
“What utter nonsense!”
Finally realizing that she couldn’t “win” the employer hands over the loan and the girl gets married. But the requests for money never stop….her family is neck deep in debt. She is treated like a queen for a while and then kicked about as and when they please until she brings back money, gifts and everything they demand. Once she’s in the family way she prays for a boy. But to her chagrin a girl is born and the family mourns. The mother is sent back to her family to bring more gifts and a larger sum of money. She prays that she has a boy the next time around and when her prayers are ‘answered’ and the male offspring arrives there is rejoicing for weeks! Because once he gets married they can make money! They start the count ….
The story goes on... This happens across the divide. Sad but true. Shocking, ridiculous and extremely pathetic! O gosh when will this practice end? How many girls are we going to sacrifice? Why don’t we look at girls as a boon rather than a bane? Will the mindset of this educated illiterate ever change? Or is it here to stay? Perhaps we need to just say a vehement no to the demands and let the greedy many stop their crap?
When I decided to write this piece, I told a friend about it and she was really miffed. She said that it is ridiculous that I cannot understand that a male offspring is a blessing to every family. I told her that any child is a blessing from God regardless of the sex. I also asked her why she was angry at this and she said that if we don’t welcome boys with gusto, we are doing a disservice to the circle of life. Was I angry at that! I asked her whether her father gave birth to her or her mother and she banged the phone down on me, only to call me later and explain herself painstakingly.
“You see, a son will always be with a parent. But a daughter is with you for a while and then leaves to join her husband.”
“So a girl has no place at all in her family, in-laws and society, is that what you are saying?”
“Now, that you put it that way… no… not really!”
“So that is what we are is it? Pieces of furniture? Bargaining chips? Use and throw?”
“No don’t say it like that….” she trailed off.
I had enough of the conversation.
Why should we be treated shabbily? Why should we put up with being less fortunate because of our sex? Why cannot we stand up and say – THAT IS ENOUGH! NO MORE. Otherwise what is the point?
XoXo me dahlings…
On the issue of dowry I am sure we can all say that we have seen this happening, been victims of it and some party to it, even. How many girls have fallen prey to this social stigma and keep silent as they cannot go back to their parents’ home because of ‘what society will say’!?
An acquaintance had told me some time ago about her situation. She was married to a person from a good family where the entire wedding expenses were borne by her parents. No doubt money was exchanged prior to the nuptials and the honeymoon as well as many other ‘gifts’ were paid off by her father. Life was good for a couple of months and she was happy, until one fine day when the demands started. To cut a long story short, she managed to get away from the situation, returned home but was shooed back by her family! The constant of “what will people say” kept playing all the time. She couldn’t do anything and had to go back. The last I heard from her was that she seemed to have worked things out…
This is one case among many (I suppose) that work. But the flip side, are many ladies who don’t get their happy every after because of interfering in-laws, abusive husbands, greed, and plain nastiness. What I just cannot fathom is how mothers or sisters-in-law don’t realize the harm they dish out to the young bride. Don’t they realize that they need to stand together otherwise history will keep repeating itself all the time. It just baffles doesn’t it? Most often it is the women who are to blame….
Here is a little snippet of what happened to a friend.
“Madam, I need to borrow Rs. Two Lakhs for my niece’s wedding.”
“What? Why do you have to pay for it?”
“There are so many demands that have to be met. And my brother-in-law asked me to
help ….”
“And how will you return such a large amount, should I agree to loan it to you?”
“Deduct it every month from my salary!”
“I can’t give you such a lot, but I can manage about 5000 that’s it. Take it or leave it!”
The marriage was called off and the employee held it against the employer.
“If you had given me the money, my niece would be happily married by now.”
“Is this my problem to pay dowry for your niece? Why are you selling her anyway? She is not a piece of furniture!”
“You don’t understand, if we don’t give money she will not get married!”
‘Find a suitable family that doesn’t have any demands. Let them appreciate her for who she is and not how much money she brings!”
“But madam, you don’t understand, you have a son. If you have a daughter you will understand.”
“Even if I had a daughter, I would never sell her off….”
“Yes madam, you say that, but you will never know….”
“Let me search for a suitable husband for your niece.”
“No madam, how can you do that?”
“Give me all the details and I will look around.”
Proposals come her way in droves… all of them asking for gifts – refrigerators, cars, sofa sets, LCD’s, some even a new house, in addition to money in bulk to “fund the wedding expenses”. All that the groom had to do was get dressed with clothes paid for by the bride’s family.
“What utter nonsense!”
Finally realizing that she couldn’t “win” the employer hands over the loan and the girl gets married. But the requests for money never stop….her family is neck deep in debt. She is treated like a queen for a while and then kicked about as and when they please until she brings back money, gifts and everything they demand. Once she’s in the family way she prays for a boy. But to her chagrin a girl is born and the family mourns. The mother is sent back to her family to bring more gifts and a larger sum of money. She prays that she has a boy the next time around and when her prayers are ‘answered’ and the male offspring arrives there is rejoicing for weeks! Because once he gets married they can make money! They start the count ….
The story goes on... This happens across the divide. Sad but true. Shocking, ridiculous and extremely pathetic! O gosh when will this practice end? How many girls are we going to sacrifice? Why don’t we look at girls as a boon rather than a bane? Will the mindset of this educated illiterate ever change? Or is it here to stay? Perhaps we need to just say a vehement no to the demands and let the greedy many stop their crap?
When I decided to write this piece, I told a friend about it and she was really miffed. She said that it is ridiculous that I cannot understand that a male offspring is a blessing to every family. I told her that any child is a blessing from God regardless of the sex. I also asked her why she was angry at this and she said that if we don’t welcome boys with gusto, we are doing a disservice to the circle of life. Was I angry at that! I asked her whether her father gave birth to her or her mother and she banged the phone down on me, only to call me later and explain herself painstakingly.
“You see, a son will always be with a parent. But a daughter is with you for a while and then leaves to join her husband.”
“So a girl has no place at all in her family, in-laws and society, is that what you are saying?”
“Now, that you put it that way… no… not really!”
“So that is what we are is it? Pieces of furniture? Bargaining chips? Use and throw?”
“No don’t say it like that….” she trailed off.
I had enough of the conversation.
Why should we be treated shabbily? Why should we put up with being less fortunate because of our sex? Why cannot we stand up and say – THAT IS ENOUGH! NO MORE. Otherwise what is the point?
XoXo me dahlings…
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